This Week’s Headlines & One-Liners

Monopoly is Releasing a Special Edition of its Iconic Game that’s made specifically for Cheaters

It’s the Trump version. Win by declaring bankruptcy six times and sue people in order to not pay them. How quaint.

Monopoly is releasing a special edition of its iconic game that's made specifically for cheaters


Naked Canadian Tourist arrested for Headbutting a Police Car

Oh Canadians … they’re just so funny!

Naked Canadian tourist, 23, 'dives head-first through the windscreen of a police car before assaulting officers' in Byron Bay Read more: Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook


Trump: ‘I wouldn’t say I’m a feminist’

Neither would the rest of the world.

Trump: 'I wouldn't say I'm a feminist'


Trump says He’s not a Feminist because he’s ‘For Everyone’

Please someone teach Trump how to use a dictionary.

Trump says he's not a feminist because he's 'for everyone'

Dictionary Feminist


The Vote is in: America picks Lemon as Krispy Kreme’s New Glazed Doughnut Flavor

Proving once again, America shouldn’t have the right to vote.

The vote is in: America picks lemon as Krispy Kreme's new glazed doughnut flavor


What it takes to be a Full-Time Disney Princess

Prozac & Xanax

Here's What It Takes To Be A Full-Time Disney Princess


Burger King just took rare Political Swipe at Republicans with Epic, Viral Ad

Burger King gave Republicans a whopper of an insult with Net Neutrality ad.

Burger King just took rare political swipe at Republicans with epic, viral ad


Road Outside School deemed ‘Too Dangerous’ for Lollipop Lady

The Lollipop Guild said safety precautions were coming up short.

Road outside school is 'too dangerous' for a lollipop lady... but not for the children to cross


Charles Manson’s “Long Lost Son” & Grandson are Fighting Over who gets his Corpse

They were all helter skelter about it.

Who will get Charles Manson’s body?


The Amazon’s Giant, Air-Breathing Fish

Meet the Amazon’s newest fish. He’s a Mouth-Breather.

Paiche This 400-pound fish has fed Amazon tribes for millennia.


Soundproof Mask that lets you Sing without Annoying People

Make sure to get some to Nickelback

Sing your heart out with this mask and your neighbors won't be able to hear a thing


If You’re a Sleep Talker, You’re likely saying Nasty things while Snoozing

My husband often tells me that’s when I get nasty in bed.

If you’re a sleep talker, you’re probably saying nasty things while you’re snoozing Read more: Twitter: | Facebook:


The 2018 Women’s March

Stock photo from last year. To also be used in 2019 and 2020. Women work smarter not harder.

The Women's March


1,600 Pounds of Coke found in Pineapples

Does that make it a coke-a-nut?

1,600 pounds of coke found in pineapples


Meet the 10-year-old Boy who is Smarter than Einstein

Meet his 36-year-old mother who has to deal with his smarting off.

Meet the 10-year-old boy who is smarter than EINSTEIN and can solve a Rubik’s cube in just 100 seconds


‘Jersey Shore’ Star ‘The Situation’ admits Tax Evasion

GTPL – Gym, Tan, Prison Laundry


Arizona guarantees Grand Canyon won’t Close over Shutdown

Phew! That would be one big hole to fill.

Arizona guarantees Grand Canyon won't close over shutdown


12 Tons of Mullet Killed in One Canal in Southern Cold Snap

It was all business in the cold front but there was no party in the back.

12 tons of mullet killed in one canal in Southern cold snap


Adolescence now Lasts ‘from 10 to 24’

And, for some, until death.

'Adolescence now lasts from 10 to 24'


A Woman tried to bring an Emotional-Support Peacock on a United flight

Why not? Most men relax by stroking a different kind of cock.


It doesn’t belong in the cabin. It belongs in the cockpit.

A woman tried to bring an emotional-support peacock on a United flight, and it reveals a growing crisis for airlines

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