This Week’s Headlines & One-Liners

 

Donald Trump accused of Fabricating Praise after Claiming to receive Letters from TV Hosts

Shouldn’t we know by now to assume everything that comes out of his mouth is fabricated?Donald Trump accused of fabricating praise after claiming to receive letters from TV hosts

 

Steven Spielberg gives Oprah his Full Endorsement for Presidential Run

A Spielberg endorsement is always epic.

Steven Spielberg gives Oprah his full endorsement for presidential run

 

A Comedian Walks into a Pub, Buys it and turns it into a Comedy Club

Comedian takes Delorean back to 1985 to take advantage of booming comedy club years.

A comedian walks into a pub, buys it and turns it into a comedy club. It's no joke...

 

Laxative Coca-Cola is Catching On in Japan as a Health Drink

You’ve got to be shitting me.

Laxative Coca-Cola is catching on in Japan as a health drink

 

Diet Coke’s sales shrink as customers waistlines stay the same.

Diet Coke gets a new look and new flavors as its sales shrink

 

Trump says He’ll take a ‘Strong Look’ at Libel Laws in Response to Book

I’m surprised Trump knows the difference between libel and slander. Someone must have told him.

Trump says he'll take a 'strong look' at libel laws in response to book

 

Man declared Dead Three Times Starts Snoring in Mortuary Body Bag

The doctors eventually just declared the man dead tired.

Man declared dead three times starts snoring in mortuary body bag   Read more: http://metro.co.uk/2018/01/10/man-declared-dead-three-times-starts-snoring-mortuary-body-bag-7218407/?ito=cbshare  Twitter: https://twitter.com/MetroUK | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MetroUK/

 

Judge Rules against Trump Administration on Rescinding DACA

Judge deports Trump’s dumb-ass idea.

Judge rules against Trump administration on rescinding DACA

 

Male Sex Robots with Unstoppable Bionic Penises are Coming this Year

“Unstoppable Bionic Penises!” If you weren’t afraid of penises before, you will be now.

Male sex robots with unstoppable bionic penises are coming this year   Read more: http://metro.co.uk/2018/01/08/male-sex-robots-unstoppable-bionic-penises-coming-year-7213306/?ito=cbshare  Twitter: https://twitter.com/MetroUK | Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MetroUK/

 

Trump to Order Better Access to Mental Health Care for Veterans

Hopefully it’s better mental health care than what he’s provided for himself.

Trump to Order Better Access to Mental Health Care for Veterans

 

Five Women who could Challenge Oprah Winfrey for President

According to the DNC, it can either be Hillary Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Hillary Clinton,  or Hillary Clinton.

Five women who could challenge Oprah Winfrey for president

 

The Weeknd Cuts Ties with H&M After Racist Ad: ‘Shocked and Embarrassed’

The rest of the week still deciding if it will cut ties too.

The Weeknd Cuts Ties With H&M After Racist Ad: 'Shocked and Embarrassed'

 

Anything supposedly edible.

The 7 Worst Things You Can Buy at a Dollar Store

 

Tiffany Trump appears to Confirm Author Michael Wolff’s claims her Father Eats McDonald’s in Bed

Isn’t that where we all shame eat McDonald’s?

Tiffany Trump appears to confirm author Michael Wolff's claims her father eats McDonald's in bed

 

You’re More Likely to Retire Wealthy if You Do This One Thing

Win the lottery

You're More Likely to Retire Wealthy if You Do This One Thing

 

Mike Tyson Is Building a 40-Acre California Weed Resort

He should be careful that he doesn’t bite off more than he can chew.

or

Tyson with the munchies! Cover your ears!

Mike Tyson Is Building a 40-Acre California Weed Resort

 

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