Midwesterners Relieved as North Korean Nuclear Warhead puts New Meaning to Fly-Over States. East & West Coast Residents Crapping Pants.

Midwestern residents were relieved Tuesday because they are unlikely to be a target of nuclear war.

“I knew voting for Trump was a positive for our country,” Bob Miller, a Nebraska resident, said. “He’s gonna get the nukes going and I’m happy I’m not in a fallout area.”

Miller’s lack of concern for his other fellow Americans was a sentiment of most midwestern Trump voters.

“Perhaps that will literally burst their east coast, liberal bubble,” Michigan resident Kimberly Coleman said.

As East and West Coast residents leave their homes to flee to the midwest in a panic, there have been record accidents setting much of the interstates in flames.

President Donald J. Trump’s words of “fire and fury like the world has never seen” has come true as the president does nothing to calm the hysteria and continues his 17-day vacation at Trump National Golf Course in Bedminster, New Jersey.